i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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