Just mADE A PArabola og urine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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