Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
