Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
vagina is talking i cant
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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