u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
