WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
