New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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