why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Alive.
So much puke
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
