Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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