im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
