he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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