I feel like I'm in dance class right now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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