i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
