I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
