Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
