i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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