Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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