I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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