If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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