he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
