I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
