I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
