i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
