Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
