I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
