i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
