That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
