And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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