my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't notice because vodka
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
