Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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