Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
