he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
