She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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