God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
