Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
