your thong is hanging out like whoa
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
