My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
