why didn't you poke me back
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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