that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
