i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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