i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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