My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
