I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
