Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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