I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
