this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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