I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I touched a dick in church today
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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