Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
