sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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