i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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