You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
