4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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